Odes at "The Angel"
Jim "The Millennium Dome" Gardner's contibution to the Poems and Pints Evening, 13 February, 2000
Number 1: Ode to DavidThere once was a lad called Dave Taylor
Who set out to be a good sailor,
But wherever or when
He met up with a wren
Taylor the sailor would nail her.
He started on board ship as a ranker
And later he'd haul up the anchor
As his career he did chart
When they wanted to start
It was David they called out to crank her.
Promotion when it came was quite heinous
His command was the old "Good Ship Venus"
But his street cred went backwards
When the gap between deckboards
Was set by the length of his penus. (SIC)
Then one day when handling a mortar
He pressed a bit he didn't oughter
He looked on in awe
And then raced to the shore
For he'd blown the Admiral out of the water.
He was brought up before the First Sea Lord
Whose committee were all in accord
You silly old thing
Will transfer to Greene King
And that's why he's now our Landlord.
No. 2 "To the Crib Team"We are David's Angels
We are not what we seem
We can be vicious bastards
'Cos we're the pub's Crib Team
We go where others fear to tread
Dancing gigs and whirls
We are a bunch of hunky chaps
(Especially the girls)
Roger is our captain
The leader of our band
A nicer chap you couldn't meet
But he deals a real mean hand.
Bob Chilwell plays a friendly game
You'll never hear him nag
It's hard for him to speak you see
Because he's always got a fag.
Joan Seaton's game is rather nice
But she could soon get banned
It's lovely sitting next to her
But watch where she lays her hand!
Rosie plays a laid back game
She rolls and puffs on joints
Opponents watch her cleavage
Whilst we steal extra points
Paul Jacques hasn't played so often
His attendances have sagged
No doubt he'll be back by and by
When he's no longer tagged
Colin comes and Colin goes
Then comes back with a tan
I bet he takes "one for his knob"
When he's out there with Fran.
Ivan's played for years and years
And then some, I'll be bound.
He's always greeted with good cheer
By players from miles around.
Another one plays now and then
When he comes into the pub
I'm not allowed to print his name
But he's Stuart Super Sub .
There is another handsome chap
I'm too modest to name him
But I will give a little clue
His name it rhymes with Gym.
So now you've met our little group
And we never rant or rave
Nor cause nor get in bother
Except when we take Dave.
Well, you were warned.
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